how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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