so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize