After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
