It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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