i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
