It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
