this beer tastes like vomit already
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
