I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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