Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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