I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
