My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I look better un-naked...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I touched a dick in church today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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