I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
