I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
