New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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