Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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