There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so let's talk penis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
