True but thats because hes a fetus.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
there is puke in my bra ... again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
