You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
