ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
