in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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