I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
