whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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