she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
