i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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