I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
