We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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