Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
