we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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