I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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