OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
