Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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