Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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