No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
