My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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