Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
