Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
