Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
