I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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