Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
