I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
