I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
