hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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