he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
