You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
