do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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