I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
