We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize