i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
