Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
