guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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