I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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