Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
