he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
