she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize