you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
