Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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