Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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