i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
