Pants 0. Shit 1.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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