how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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