I'm really into asian looking animals
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is classic penis vs brain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
