I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
