Don't make out with my wife yet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
